Of evil dresses, Christmas trees and peeking guys
by Pickle Reviver
Summary: Ichigo in a dress? How come? where? And why does he look so damn good in it? late Christmas fic, crossdressing, treeabuse and slight RenjiIchigo [oneshot]


**Of evil dresses, Christmas trees and peeking old guys**

Wanted to try a one-shot for once, make it a christmas-oneshot. Hope it's tolerable. And I know; Christmas is over, but I just HAD to make a Christmas-story or else I would lose the bet with my friend. Damn annoying…

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, unfortunately.

Warning: Slight Renji/Ichigo, Christmas tree-abuse and a lot of embarrassing moments for Ichigo.

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A tall broad redhead stuck out among the crowds in the halls of Karakura's largest mall. He seemed to be in search of something, or rather someone. Looking over peoples' shoulders and heads, drooling over the taiyaki-stands(1) returning back to his search for that certain someone. And that certain someone would be none other than Kurosaki Ichigo.

He had the day off, so decided to drop by at Ichigo's house to annoy him or what so ever, only to get kicked out again, Ichigo's sisters telling him that their brother was at the mall.

"What is the guy doin' here anyway?" Renji grumbled as he glanced in every shop, hoping to catch some of the flashy orange hair.

"Damn! How am I gonna find him in this hellhole!?" Renji let out a frustrated growl as he kicked a nearby Christmas tree that send it flying over couples of happy shopping costumers, startling some people that immediately took a safe distance from the angered redhead.

Renji paid no attention to the tree any so further; only when he heard a surprised yelp did he glance back at the poor thing, finding it on top of that someone he was so desperately looking for.

He could see the unmistakeable orange hair that piled out under the tree, together with a head that certainly didn't look al to happy.

Ichigo attempted to kick the tree off him, but with no success. He finally looked up as a shadow loomed over his head, seeing the smug smirk of his friend.

"You did this!?" Ichigo angrily yelled from under the tree. "And what are you doing here anyway!?"

Renji pushed the poor tree off of Ichigo, helping the smaller male up to his feet.

"Had the day off, so dropped by to see yer face." Renji gave a sheepish laugh as he threw the tree aside, avoiding Ichigo's first question.

Ichigo grumbled and dusted himself off with his hands, looking back up as he caught the other staring at his outfit.

"What!?" Ichigo snapped.

Renji burst out in laughter, clamping his sides with his hands. "You… look ridiculous!" He said between laughs.

Ichigo scowled and quickly straightened his outfit. It was true; he _did_ look ridiculous. His father had signed him up for some charity at the mall, yeah right; it was just the mall's saying to get free employees. But the point of the whole thing was that the kids can go sit on Santa's lap and tell what they would like for Christmas, while an elf would accompany them or help Santa out, blabla… nothing special there. They just needed an elf and 'luckily' his father signed him in for it, without having read the note that it was only for females…

They had given him a terrible elf-costume, of course it was red and green but it was two sizes too short and actually way to slutty to show in front of little children. And the worst part still has to come; it indeed _was_ a female-costume, meaning it had a skirt and everything he disliked and normally wouldn't even wear in his dreams. God, he hated his father…

The whole outfit clung on him like a second skin that left little to nothing for the imagination, the tight green boots, the red candy striped stockings, the worst of all; the green miniskirt with red laces that stopped at about three inches below his well accented butt. The top was okay, but way too tight for his liking and the red frills on it, let's not get started on that. But there's more; he had to wear some orange extensions, his normal hair length had now tripled and rested below his scapula. A red flower was decorated behind his ear, keeping orange locks from falling in his face. The whole outfit was drawing more than enough attention for his liking. When he would bend over to talk with a little kid, he could hear the whistles and snickers from perverted guys all over the place. Amazingly enough, no one had noticed he wasn't a girl, but that was probably cause of Rukia's and his sisters' makeover.

When his family and himself had found out that this job was only for females, Rukia and his little sisters- mostly Yuzu, had decided to give him a little makeover; make-up, the hair and of course the proper behaviour. It still was beyond words for Ichigo how he had survived this torture and humiliation. Why couldn't he just be Santa?

Ichigo shot Renji a dirty glare to shut him up, but it didn't really seem to work as Renji only began to laugh harder.

He decided kicking or punching the other would work better, so he just did that, kicking Renji hard in the shin.

"Ow! What did you do that for, bastard!?" Renji kneeled down on one knee, rubbing his now aching shin, looking up at Ichigo's grinning face and a pair of strawberry-panties as he _accidentally_ looked under Ichigo's skirt.

Renji grinned back up at Ichigo's face, startling Ichigo a bit. "Huh-? What's with you al of a sudden?"

Renji chuckled. "Nice panties, _Berry-chan_-"

Ichigo flushed a bright scarlet, his hands shooting down to pull his skirt down. "S-Shut up!" He grumbled in embarrassment. "My sisters and Rukia made me wear it!" He explained in hysterics.

Renji burst out in laughter again as he looked at the flustered Ichigo who was just about ready to die from humiliation.

Ichigo felt his face go red, both from anger and embarrassment. He kicked Renji in the shin again, just to make himself feel better, and stomped away, back to the little children who were eagerly waiting for him.

"Ow!" Ichigo gave a satisfied smile as he heard Renji's yelp of pain.

Renji rubbed his shin again and quickly followed the lean figure that belonged to Ichigo. "Oi Ichigo, wait up!"

Ichigo looked back over his shoulder at the redhead, his frown deepening. "What? Gonna pester me again?"

"I think I'll pass, I don't wanna end up with broken bones now you're in such a good mood." Renji said while looking around.

"-And whose fault might that be?"

Renji didn't respond. He looked in awe at his surrounding, noticing the happy children, a fat guy in the middle and all kinds of decorations. He had been so busy with laughing at Ichigo; he hadn't noticed how amazingly decorated this hall was.

"Does this have anythin' to do with your outfit?" Renji questioned, still fawning over everything.

"-What?" Ichigo's frown deepened in question.

"Well, ALL this-" Renji spread his arms, pointing at all kinds of decorations and other stuff in the large mall's hall.

"Che…unfortunately yes." Ichigo snorted.

"-Amazing!" Renji shot his attention back at Ichigo again. "But what is your mission actually?" Renji curiously asked.

"_Mission_…" Ichigo raised one eyebrow. "-It's quite simple actually; I only have to entertain and talk to those kids and help the big fat guy in the red suit. It ain't that bad it's easy, it's only the outfit I hate." Ichigo growled at the last part, looking down with disgust at his outfit.

"You should not speak of a mission that lightly, every mission is important." Renji lectured. "And you should not complain; you look good in a dress."

Ichigo gave Renji a blank stare.

"What? It's true, girls would die to look as good as you do in a dress!" Renji said annoyed.

Ichigo vividly shook his head. "I'm just gonna pretend like I never heard you say that. It's bad for my health."

Renji shrugged and looked at the little kids. "But what do those little midgets want?"

Ichigo sighed. "Well, the big guy in the middle is Santa and those little kids come to see him. They sit on his lap and then tell him what they would like for Christmas; as simple as that."

Renji still didn't really get it, but thought it would be fun anyway.

"But if you don't mind, I have to get back to my _mission._" Ichigo sighed and switched on a fake smile. He turned around and walked to the row of waiting kids, bending forward to start a happy conversation with them. When he bent forward he showed a nice amount of ass, getting a few catcalls and whistles from four men who wear sitting in a nearby restaurant. Renji had to admit; Ichigo's ass _did_ look nice.

Ichigo looked over his shoulder and shot the men a dirty glare, annoyance written all over his face. He quickly sat down on his knees and continued the innocent conversation with the toddlers like nothing ever happened. Ichigo was quite good with kids actually, he made them laugh and they seemed to like him.

The men laughed and continued to drink their beers, to Renji's annoyance. But oh well, this wasn't really his problem, now was it? But he took a mental note anyway; Ichigo and he would kick the bastards' butts later today, he was sure Ichigo wouldn't mind to help him. He snickered; those guys were so screwed.

An idea popped into Renji's head, a large grin spreading over his features.

Renji walked over to the end of the row of waiting kids, he silently took a spot and began to wait till Ichigo noticed him, the grin still lingering on his face.

After three seconds, Ichigo's head shot up while giving Renji an alarming glare as he sped to his side.

"What are you doing, Renji!?" He hissed under his breath. "This is for the kids, not for men at your age!" he continued. "People are gonna think you're some kind of paedophile!"

"W-what!? I can't talk with Santa!?" Renji loudly asked, fake sorrow in his whining voice. He made sure everyone could hear him.

Some parents looked at the quarrelling pair, raising their eyebrows at Renji whining form.

"Renji, Quiet! And get out of the line! You're attracting way too much attention."

Renji smirked. "-That's just what I'm getting' at…" He muttered so only Ichigo could hear it, a low chuckle emitted out of his throat. Teasing Ichigo really was the best thing to spend your day when you have the day off.

Ichigo scowled and started to push Renji out of the line, but was halted by the rough and hoarse voice of the big fat guy in the red costume.

"Wait elf." Ichigo scowled at the name. "If he wants to talk with me, then let him be." He motioned Renji over to him; apparently he wanted Renji away as soon as possible, but unfortunately costumers were king, so they had to keep them satisfied.

Renji ran over to Santa and jumped on his lap, making the guy gasp for air.

Ichigo winced; glad he didn't have to play Santa right now.

"O-Okay…" Santa gasped for air. "So- what would you like for Christmas-..Uhh?"

"-Renji." Renji filled in, evilly smirking at Ichigo.

Ichigo glared back. What was Renji planning? He felt his muscles tense, whatever Renji was planning, wouldn't do him any good, he was sure of it.

"Okay Renji, what would you like for Christmas."

Renji gave Ichigo a perverse smirk as he pointed one finger at Ichigo. "I would like to get a kiss from the sexy elf there, Santa."

Renji had not expected the Christmas tree that was sent flying to his head, neither did Santa.

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1) It's a Japanese dish or something, fish-shaped pancakes filled with sweat bean jam.

I hate the end; it's rushed and crappy, but please tell me what you think! I like to get feedback so I can get better. And for the Treason-readers; I'm trying to update asap, but I don't really have any inspiration, so my apologies.

R&R


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